


mess we've made

by crumpled_up



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Post ep tag, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:56:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7656451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crumpled_up/pseuds/crumpled_up
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post ep tag to 6x19 "Blaze of Glory."</p>
<p>The one where Eric tries to apologize to Nell for his behavior in this ep, fails, and tries again. With a little help from the team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mess we've made

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this immediately after the ep aired... so I'm only a year or so late in posting this. Life and all that. It's my first completed and posted fic for this particular fandom. I have many more written and incomplete. One day they will surface. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this.

Eric sighed as Nell ignored yet another one of his comments. Ever since Blaze came into their little bubble at NCIS, nothing has been the same. Between them, at least. The rest of the team operated as usual. The chemistry, the spark, the connection between Eric and Nell disappeared. They were off their game. Anticipation of the other's move was off. They kept stumbling over easy searches, fighting against the other's strategy like it was the first time they met. And it drove him crazy. He had no idea why.

Okay, well, maybe not. But he thought they moved past the whole Blaze incident. She was about to graduate college and move onto Quantico. She shouldn't even be a factor anymore. Right?

"Nell, what's happening?"

"Well," she said as she continued typing away. "I'm running a Kaleidoscope search on our missing van and you're supposed to be checking traffic cams--"

"No, I know that. I mean between us. What happened?"

"Just don't do it again and it won't be a problem.

"Do what?"

"Just don't do it again."

"Nell--"

Her computer beeped. "Oh look. Found the van. Gotta call Callen."

He turned back to his computer and tried to keep his frustration in check. After this case -- if they even lasted that long -- he'd corner her or something. Because this whole ignoring and giving him the silent treatment and cold shoulder deal was not okay. It was ruining the mojo of Ops and it was ruining them.

 

+

 

Eric paced back and forth down in the gym. They had wrapped up the case. Caught the bad guy. It should've been a celebration. In fact it was. He was supposed to be on his way, but he was hoping to catch Nell before the celebrations started. Except she never came down to collect her stuff. Or she already did and he missed her. And -- 

"Dammit!" He kicked the pile of mats in the corner and winced in pain. "Damn it..."

"Whoa, careful there, Beale, or those mats might fight back." He turned around to find Sam grinning at him. "You okay?"

"Uh, yeah. You know. I thought I saw a spider or something and I tried to smash it."

"Right. Looks more like someone's frustrated at a certain partner."

"Wha -- I --"

Sam chuckled. "I know that look. It's the same look I get when Michelle gets mad at me for whatever I did to piss her off. I'm guessing Nell still hasn't forgiven you."

Eric shook off the lingering pain in his foot and frowned. "I don't get it. I apologized. I thought we were okay."

Sam opened up his locker to grab his gym bag. "Yeah, you think you did all the right things but they're still pissed at you. Women, am I right?"

"What do I do?" Eric nearly pleaded. 

"Figure it out."

"What? Seriously, Sam? That's all you have to say?" Eric limped after him. "Come on. You're married, surely you have more than that."

"Just because I'm married doesn't mean I'm the Woman Guru. I screw up all the time and somehow Michelle still takes me back."

"Then what do you do to make it up to her?"

"I clean the house. I do all the chores. Give her a massage maybe. Let her take my credit card and go a little crazy on it."

"That really works?"

Sam shrugged. "It's a good starting point. But all a girl really wants to hear is a sincere apology."

"I thought I did that already."

"Clearly, it wasn't sincere enough."

Eric sighed. "Do you think Nell would let me do her all her chores?"

Sam laughed. "You'll be lucky if you can even get within five feet of her before she kicks you to the curb." He shook his head as he walked out. "Good luck, Eric. You'll need it."

Eric buried his face in his hands. "Oh boy."

 

+

 

"Callen--"

He backed away from Eric. "Oh no."

"But--"

"You have girl problems written all over your face."

"I--"

"I have my own women problems already, I don't need yours."

"How--"

"Sam mentioned it."

"Damn it."

"Good luck."

"That bad?"

"I could take on an army of angry Taliban before I figured out how to calm down an angry woman, much less Nell."

"Not helping."

"Like I said: good luck." Callen clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll need it."

"Damn it."

 

+

 

"Kensi--"

She took one look at Eric, then turned and walked away.

He blinked. "Um, okay."

"Yeah, don't bother," Deeks said as he approached Eric. "Women solidarity is probably the strongest kind of bond there is. You won't break her."

"Great." He hung his head. "The entire team hates me."

"Nah. I wouldn't say the entire team. Just Nell. And Kensi by default."

Eric glared at him. "Thanks. You're a great help."

"Hey, no problem." Deeks slapped him on the back. "That's what friends are for."

Eric shrugged off the sting of the slap. What was up with everyone hitting him anyway?

 

+

 

"Mister Beale, is everything all right?"

Eric looked away from his computer screen down in the gadget area to find Hetty standing to his right, carrying her bag. "Yeah, sure. Just doing some last minute updates."

"Far away from everyone."

"I like my space."

"Except it's past closing time. You should go home."

He looked around and found that most of the building had shut down, the lights were off except for the standard safety lights. It truly was the two of them left in the building. He managed to smile at her. "I will as soon as these updates finish."

"You've been sitting here all day, Eric, doing these so-called updates. You're not trying to avoid the team, are you? Or perhaps a certain team member?"

Was he really that transparent? How did everyone know?

"And yes, you really are that transparent, Mr. Beale."

He snapped his gaze to hers. "How--"

"You're not quite as good as hiding your emotions as the others, I'm afraid." She put her bag on the table next to the monitor. "That's not necessarily a bad thing. You wear your emotions on your sleeve. It wouldn't do you good if you were out in the field, so it's a good thing you're not a field agent." She grinned at him. "But it also means that everyone, especially Miss Jones, can see how you feel about everything and everyone."

"I don't even know what I did wrong."

"Then perhaps that's where you should start."

"I apologized though."

Hetty laughed. "Oh, Eric. How can you apologize when you don't even know what you did wrong?"

"I--"

"Think about it, Mister Beale." She grabbed her belongings. "I wish you the best of luck."

"Hetty," he said before she left. "Why did you really bring Blaze here? You know that I could've passed as a college student."

"You'll have to ask Owen that. He made the final decision to bring her in." She turned to look at him. "But you do have to admit, she did bring a bit of a spark, did she not?"

Yeah, the wrong kind apparently, he thought bitterly.

"Good night, Mister Beale. And please do go home. I won't count this as overtime."

He had to grin at that. "Night, Hetty."

 

+

 

"I mean, I don't know what else to do," Eric said into his headset as he mashed the buttons on his XBOX controller. "Damn it! What the hell, Ira?"

His friend cackled over the line. "I own you every single time in this game. When will you learn?"

"I'm distracted, okay?"

"Excuses, excuses. That's all I hear from you, Beale. First it's a hang nail. Now it's your girl problems. Although your partner is smokin' hot. What'd you do to piss her off again?"

"I had a hang nail _one_ time. Years ago. And I don't know what I did. I mean there was another smokin' hot girl that came to help us out--"

"Hey, can I get her number?"

Eric glared at the TV screen even though Ira couldn't see him. "No. And she's way out of your league."

"Maybe yours, but mine? Psh."

"As in she's too young for you, Ira."

"Clearly not young enough if she caught your attention. And made your partner jealous."

"Wha -- you really think so? I mean I know I upset Nell, but I apologized for that."

"You say that other chick's smokin' hot? Another girl will take notice of that. Come on, don't tell me you didn't notice at least that much."

"I--"

"Man, you have it bad."

Eric blinked. "What?"

"The fact that you were so into the other chick, you didn't even notice Nell's jealousy says a lot, dude. Everyone knows you're practically in love with Nell. Even _I_ noticed that and you got all up in my face about it."

"Okay, I did not get all up in your face about it. Please."

"Whatever, Mister Green Eyed Monster. _Her eyes are hazel._ Did you really think I'd steal her from you? We're friends. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Except for that one time where you did."

"That was _years_ ago. Undergrad, when we were still babies. And she was totally into me more than you. I was just saving the both of you from a miserable date."

Eric rolled his eyes. Back then, it stung badly, but he quickly moved on when he realized that she was just using the two of them to try and hack the system to change her grades.

"Anyway," Ira continued. "If you were so into the new chick and didn't notice your partner, then you had it bad, my friend."

Eric sighed. "It wasn't like that."

"Maybe not to you, but it was to Nell."

"How do you even know this?"

"Your partner's pissed at you. There was another chick. It's not rocket science. Although for you, rocket science might be easier to understand."

"Shut up." Eric rubbed his forehead in frustration. "You really think so?"

"Look, I wasn't there, but from everything you told me, it screams jealousy. It's like when I was hitting on her during that case. I thought you were trying to melt me through the screen when she was here with me."

Eric laughed. "Okay, maybe I wasn't exactly trying to melt you, but it was Nell! She's my partner. And you were hitting on her in front of me!"

"And she's hot. But man, it was funny as hell to see you squirm like that. Now reverse the situation. Say you were hitting on that new chick in front of Nell, do you think she would like that?"

Eric looked away, letting his controller drop to the ground. If he didn't like it when his own friend was hitting on Nell, she would hate him if he did that to her. He didn't do that to her... did he? Was that where he went wrong? 

But he was just helping out a Junior Agent. It wasn't anything more than that really. It was rare to come across a female hacker of her caliber pretty much ever. Of course it didn't hurt that she was beautiful to boot. And she was also going to work for the government. And she could defend herself. And...

"Hey! Hey, Beale!"

Eric shot up, hands up to his headset. "Wh-what?"

"Yo, earth to Beale. You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah... just..."

"Did it finally hit you?"

"Guess you could say that."

"Good. Wanna play another round? Get your ass kicked for the millionth time? Or do you still need to wallow in your pit of despair?"

Eric sighed. ”What am I gonna do?"

"No idea. That's your problem now. I did all the hard stuff for you."

"Come on, Ira. You're better with the ladies than I am. What helped you?"

"Look at me. I'm single. There's a reason for that. Now are we gonna play or what?"

Eric picked up his controller and dusted it off. "Yeah, another round. This time I will kick your ass."

"You wish."

 

+

 

"Okay, I know you suck," Deeks said as he and Eric trudged back onto the beach with their surfboards. "But you sucked even more than usual."

"I don't suck anymore than you," Eric said, wiping the water off his face. "But yeah, I did really suck today."

"Partner problems?" Deeks planted his surfboard into the sand and shook his hair like a dog.

Eric winced and grabbed his towel to shield himself. "Really? What are you, a dog?"

"Well--"

"Never mind, don't answer that."

Deeks grabbed his towel and continued drying his hair. "Look, Kensi won't say much probably because she knows that I'd just blab it to you, so it's smart on her part. But I do know this much -- Nell's pissed."

Eric put on his glasses and gave him a dry look. "You think?"

"Just thought I'd put it out there. At least this way I can say I did my brotherly duty."

"How bad?"

"How bad did you screw up? Or how badly you want to make it up to her? Or how pissed is she at you?"

"All of the above."

Deeks paused for a moment, weighing his options. "Well, incredibly bad, you need to practically give her the moon and incredibly, monstrously pissed."

Eric winced. "Damn it."

"Look, brother. From where I'm standing, you're lucky she didn't pummel you into the ground and stomp on your head and cover it with honey and let the bears go at you."

"Thanks for that lovely description." Eric shook off the mental image. "You were there. How badly did I screw up?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes."

"You mean you really don't know?"

"I have an idea. I just need to hear it from someone else. You were there for most of it. Figured you would know best. Everyone else won't tell me."

"Wait, wait, wait." Deeks peered at him, then shook his head. "Seriously? You went to everyone but me? Seriously?!"

"It's not like that--"

"Oh, except that it is. I'm the one dating another team member, I would know best, right?"

"Well--"

Deeks reached over and zipped his lips. "Don't speak. Just don't. It'll hurt my feelings."

"I'll buy you breakfast."

"You are so gonna buy me and owe me more than that."

Eric sighed. "Fine. Name your price."

"Wow, you really are serious, aren't you?" Deeks grinned and slapped his shoulder. "Good to hear."

"What does that mean?" Eric asked as they headed back toward their cars.

"It means you truly do care."

"Of course I do. This is Nell we're talking about."

Deeks stopped to look at him. "Breakfast _and_ lunch. Breakfast now. Lunch at some other time I require it. And whatever future favors I can think of."

"This better not be for the rest of my life."

"We'll see."

"Deeks!"

"We're talking about the future here! _Your_ future with the lovely Nell Jones hangs in the balance. A love for the ages! So yeah, you're gonna owe me a lot for this."

"I should've just slept in this morning," Eric muttered.

"I heard that!"

 

+

 

"Well?" Eric asked as he watched Deeks guzzle down a glass of orange juice.

Deeks held up a finger as he polished off his glass then set it down with flourish. "You can't expect me to open up on how women work on an empty stomach, do you?"

"You've scarfed down a short stack, three glasses of orange juice and six bacon strips already."

"And you've barely touched your eggs and hash. C'mon, Beale, eat up. You can't go beg for Nell's forgiveness if you're more of stick than you already are."

"I am not--"

"Eat, Beale. You'll need all your strength to make up for this." Deeks signaled the waitress. "Could I get more OJ and another short stack please?"

Eric sighed and shoved more food into his mouth. "This better be a cure-all if you're gonna empty my bank account over this."

"I thought you wanted to get Nell to forgive you?"

"Please don't say this is all in the name of love and Nell."

"Isn't it?"

"I might've been better off showing up to Callen's unannounced," Eric muttered.

"He would've blasted your head off."

"At least I'd be dead."

"Drama queen much?"

Eric just raised an eyebrow.

"Fair enough," Deeks said and dug into his next stack of pancakes. "Okay, look." He swallowed his food. "From what I can tell, Nell is pissed and has every right to be."

Eric sat, fork frozen half way to his mouth. He dreaded the next words out of Deeks’ mouth.

"Eat, then I'll tell you the rest."

He shoved the food into his mouth and chewed without tasting. If it would get Deeks to open his trap and speak for once--

"Good. She's pissed because you basically ignored her."

"And she was jealous."

"Glad you caught onto that. So what do you need me for?"

"I need another perspective."

"She was pissed because she was jealous. What more do you need?"

"That's all the advice you've got? Seriously?" 

"What did you want?"

"Other than the fact you made it sound like you had the answer to the universe?"

Deeks pushed his food aside. "Look, what I saw was you pushing Nell out of the way for Blaze, which wouldn't sit well with anyone. And you didn't do it once, which she might've forgiven, but you did again and again throughout the case. All I'm saying is that if I saw Kens hitting up a new recruit like that, I'd be jealous too. I'm sure if Nell did that to you..."

"I'd be jealous too. But..."

"You're a good guy, Eric. But the whole shoving us out of the way to give Blaze that big bear hug? That was a big no-no."

Eric closed his eyes in shame. "God damn it."

"Based off of that, I can see why she was jealous. But I don't understand why..." Deeks leaned back in his chair. "There's something else isn't there? What aren't you telling me?"

"I don't..." Eric trailed off and gulped down his juice. "It's stupid."

"Come on, spill."

"Remember how I left after the ice cream party?"

"More like left _before_ you even had any. Seriously, you skipped out on _ice cream_ from Hetty. Who does that?"

Eric sighed. "Yeah. So, I... went to meet up with Blaze and her engineering group."

"No. No, you didn't. Please tell me I didn't just hear you say that you went to _meet Blaze_ after all this."

"With her friends and her dad was there. Okay? It was just coffee and a little career advice kind of thing."

"It's never _just_ coffee."

"Why does no one believe me when I say that? Her dad was there for Christ's sake. And I ended up talking to him most of the time anyway."

"Whoa whoa whoa. You got cockblocked by the dad?"

Eric tried to hide his annoyance. "Apparently Blaze thought we'd get along since we're so old and all that."

Deeks laughed. "Oh my God. This sounds like a terrible high school date."

Eric buried his face in his hands. "Ugh, I know. I think I may have convinced one of her friends to seriously think about pursuing a government job though..."

Deeks continued laughing as he waved down the waitress again. "Do you guys have any apple pie? Yeah? My friend and I here will take a couple slices with huge scoops of ice cream on top. And could you warm up the pie, too? Thanks." He turned back to Eric. "We need some sugar for this train wreck."

"I can't even eat anymore."

"Then more for me."

Eric frowned. ”Hell no. I want my pie at least."

Deeks grinned. "Well, it's on you so I'm cool with that." When the waitress placed their desserts on the table and cleared away the other dishes, the two boys dug in. "What happened to not being able to eat?"

"It smelled delicious," Eric said with a full mouth, then swallowed. "You're right. Pie solves everything."

"Hell yeah it does." Deeks pointed his spoon dripping with ice cream at Eric. "Now here's what I think. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that coffee date was more than that. Ah, ah, ah." He interrupted before Eric could open his mouth. "You wanted it to be more, am I right? That's why you're so disappointed. If it were just a career deal, you'd be happy with the fact you recruited at least one of her friends."

Eric played with the soupy ice cream on his dish. 

"And that, my friend, is why Nell Jones is pissed at you." Deeks finished with a flourish and shoved the last bit of apple pie a la mode into his mouth. 

"So how do I fix it?"

"No idea."

Eric glared at him.

"No, seriously." Deeks pushed his dish away and put his hands up. "I seriously don't know. Even if you tell her how you feel about her, I'm not even sure that would work. Sucks to be you, man."

"Thanks."

"Hey, I did my job. I helped you figure this out. I never promised I'd fix it for you. That's all on you."

Eric sighed. "I'm a dead man, aren't I?"

"Guess we'll find out soon enough."

 

+

 

Eric stood outside the door of Nell's apartment for what felt like forever trying to muster up the courage to knock on the door. He was positive her neighbors would notice soon and call the cops on him. It was stupid really. How hard was it to raise his hand and just knock a couple times. He had gotten as far as raising his hand, then lowering it. He wanted to just leave the rose he stole from the garden in his complex with a note, but even that required at least knocking or ringing the doorbell. Come to think of it, why didn't he just do that? It would be easier to push a button than knock, right?

Wrong. Either one of them would get the same consequence -- summoning Nell to the door.

_Isn't that what you want, you nitwit?_ he asked himself. _Wasn't the whole purpose of coming here to talk to her?_

Yeah. Easier said than done.

At this point, he was even shocked he made it to the door. He wasn't even sure how his body got into his car and drove all the way here without killing anyone or himself on the way, considering how badly his hands were shaking. And his legs. It wasn't particularly cold outside, maybe a little chill, but not enough to have his knees nearly knocking into each other. 

God, he felt like an idiot.

_Just do it. Knock quickly. If she doesn't answer, you did your job and walk away. If she does answer..._

Eric gathered whatever remaining courage he could scrounge up and lifted his fist once again -- only for the door to swing wide open.

He stared at a very annoyed Nell dressed comfortably in a tank top and sweats and God, she never looked more beautiful to him. 

"Um..."

She took one look at him and went to slam the door in his face when he called out. "Wait!" The door barely managed to stop before it actually closed and Nell peeked out from behind.

"What do you want, Beale?"

He held out the single red rose. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see or talk to tonight, but I stole this rose for you. I would've gotten you like ten bouquets if I could find a florist open this late at night, so I kind of risked life and death getting this for you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Life and death. Really?"

"Yeah. You don't understand, we can't touch the rose garden in my complex on pain of death and a fine. But I couldn't come empty handed, so I figured..."

"You'd steal a rose in hoping to earn my forgiveness?"

"Well, part of it at least." He held up the eco-friendly bag in his other hand. "I've got milk and Oreos too."

Nell sighed and open the door wider to let him in.

He stepped into the warmth of her apartment as she took the rose and the bag from him. He watched as she pulled out a vase and filled it with water and stuck the rose in it. She pulled out a couple of glasses and poured the milk in them, downing half of hers before refilling it.

"Are you gonna stand there all night or are we gonna do this?"

Eric snapped out of his daze, slipped off his shoes and joined her at the breakfast nook. "Um, how'd you know I was outside?"

Nell rolled her eyes and held up her phone. "Neighbor called to tell me there was some freaky guy standing outside my door and asked if she wanted to call the cops. Told her I'd take care of it."

He ran an embarrassed hand over his face. "Yeah... sorry about that. I, uh, had trouble knocking on your door. How'd you know it was me?"

She just gave him that 'are you seriously asking me that question' look he was familiar with.

"Uh, right. Because who else would fit the description of a freaky guy at your door late at night."

"Well, that and she gave me a description of a tall white guy, blonde hair, glasses and shorts. Now who else could that be?"

"Deeks in his nerdy undercover role?"

Nell just shook her head and opened the package of Oreos. 

Well, that was a good sign, he thought. She hadn't kicked him out and she hadn't completely bitten his head off at his poor attempt at humor.

"Nell--"

She pointed at the Oreos. "Eat first. Then we'll talk."

"Why is everyone forcing me to eat?" he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." He obediently picked up a cookie, dunked it into the milk and ate it.

They ate in silence as he matched her cookie for cookie. If she wanted him to eat and stall, that was fine. He would eat and wait. He got this far, he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by.

Until it was clear she was waiting for _him_ to speak. Which made sense. He was the one that came here to talk to her after all.

"Nell..." He started, then paused. Why was this so hard to say? "I... I'm sorry," he finished lamely.

She just stared at him, Oreo half way to her mouth. "That's it?"

"I... I'm really bad at this."

"Apparently."

He sighed. "I--"

"Maybe you should just go." Nell sighed.

Eric's head shot up to look at her. She looked so exhausted and he hated himself for adding to the daily stress they all suffered with this job. But he didn't want to go just yet. He just got here! He had a mission to complete. 

"Eric, I'm serious. I'm really tired and we both could probably use some sleep--"

"I won't do it again," he blurted out.

They both looked at each other, shocked.

"What?"

"I know I hurt you and upset you. I'm sorry about that. That's the last thing I ever want to do to you."

Nell half heartedly dunked another Oreo into her milk. "Then why did you?"

"Because I'm a guy? Because I'm an idiot?” He shrugged. “I pushed you away and didn't realize it until too late. I didn't meant to. I..."

"She's younger, smarter, more beautiful than I am. Even has a higher security clearance," Nell said bitterly. "Of course you'd go after her. Who wouldn't."

Eric swallowed. "That's not..."

"You don't have to lie, Eric." Nell let the Oreo fall into her glass of milk and watched it dissolve slowly. "Not to me."

"It's not true. I don't care if she's younger or has a higher security clearance. I--"

"Stop. Just stop." She sounded so tired to his ears. So fed up. "I can't do this right now."

"Nell..."

She picked up her glass and dumped the contents into the sink.

"I swear to you, none of that matters to me," Eric said firmly.

"Apparently some of it had to for you to completely shove me aside like I didn't matter. I thought -- I thought you were better than that."

He looked down at his milk in shame. To completely disappoint her like this hurt more than if she slapped him across the face and yelled at him for hours. 

"The worst part is," she continued, her back still to him as she stood at the sink. "It wasn't the fact that you literally shoved me aside to basically follow her around like some love-sick puppy, it was the fact that I completely didn't even matter. I wasn't even in the same universe as her. That I was completely and utterly... dispensable. Replaceable."

When her voice broke, it nearly killed him inside. His gut shriveled up and turned into stone, his heart was halfway up this throat and he just wanted to die. God, he never hated himself more for doing this to her. Because if he felt this horrible, he couldn't imagine how rotten he made her feel. All because of a stupid new recruit.

"Nell--"

"You should go now, Eric." She still kept her back to him as she left the kitchen and headed toward her bedroom. 

He still sat on his stool after he heard the click of her door close. The pain and self-loathing kept him rooted to the spot. He never thought he'd hear Nell sound so defeated, so pained in his life. Even when Brown took him hostage and Nell was desperately trying to get him to reveal his location didn't compare to this. 

He did this. To her. How could he even think of trying to ask for forgiveness when he couldn't even stand himself at this very moment?

But instead of heading to the front door to leave, his feet took him to Nell's bedroom door. He didn't dare enter, oh no. That would be suicide. He didn't bother knocking either, but he did rest his forehead against the door. He wanted to bang his head against it repeatedly until he lost consciousness, but he'd save that for when he got home. No need to trouble Nell any longer. 

He needed to be near her though. Just for a moment. Because once he walked out of here, he had the sneaking suspicion he might not ever get the chance to see or talk to her again. Not that he deserved it at the moment.

"Nell," he began. He didn't know what possessed him to open his mouth, but he was just following his gut. "I truly am sorry for doing that to you. You have every right to shoot me right now if you wanted, not that I could stop you anyway." And he almost wished she would. At least she'd open the door. Or she could shoot him through the door, he supposed. 

"You're right. I should be a better man than that. A better friend, a better partner to you. You deserve better. You deserve everything you ever want. Someone who will respect you and won't toss you aside." He closed his eyes and balled his fists to keep from bashing his head against the wall and breaking down into a crying mess at her bedroom door of all places. 

"I'd like to try to be that man. I know I don't deserve anything right now, but I promise you I'll be better to you. I..." His voice stuck in his throat. He tried opening his mouth again, but nothing came out. 

The door opened and he nearly stumbled forward, barely catching himself by grabbing the door frame. "Whoa..."

Nell stood in front of him with red eyes and tear tracks staining her cheeks. He froze, the guilt and hatred searing into him even more. He made her cry. God damn it. If he could shoot himself, he'd do it right now. Because he made her cry.

"You're an idiot," she said, swiping at her face. 

"Not denying that fact."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Um, not shoot me? I was joking when I said you could shoot me."

Nell held out her slightly shaky hands. "Does it look like I could right now?"

Eric gently took them into his. "I don't know, you could have a gun on you somewhe--"

Nell suddenly wrapped her arms around him, which he gratefully returned. He pulled her in closer and finally felt like he could breathe again. Even if she didn't quite forgive him, this was something at the very least. Something he didn't deserve, but would treasure. God, he was such a fool for hurting her like this. She gave and gave and he just kept screwing up over and over again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She squeezed him tightly for a long moment then let go. "This doesn't mean you're off the hook."

He gave her a self depreciating grin. "I know. I deserve whatever's coming to me."

She gave him a once over, then put her hands on her hips. "I could've sworn I told you to leave."

Eric chuckled nervously. "I, uh, seem to be stuck to your floor. I honestly tried leaving. I did. But I'm stuck."

"Then get yourself un-stuck. We've got a lot to talk about."

"We do?"

"If you think this whole conversation is over, you've got another thing coming, Beale." She took his hand and dragged him back to the kitchen where she grabbed the leftover Oreos, then guided him back out to the couch.

"I thought--"

"No. You don't get to think anymore."

He opened his mouth and she shoved an Oreo into it. "Shut up. My turn."

He nodded and ate the cookie.

"Good. But before we begin, let's lay down the ground rules."

He nodded and swallowed thickly. "Agreed. No shooting."

Nell chuckled. "Okay, no shooting. No physical harm. Just the truth. Nothing but."

Eric held up his right hand like he was swearing in. "So help me God."

 

+

 

"There's something bugging me,” Nell said as she fidgeted on the couch. “It's stupid. I shouldn't even—“

"Ask me."

"Tell me -- I want you to look me in the eyes -- and tell me you wouldn't have gone after her if she showed interest."

Eric looked down and picked at a loose thread on her couch.

"I knew it," Nell said, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm such an idiot."

"Nell--"

She stood up to leave. "I'm not sure I want to hear this, actually."

"If Blaze was interested, I probably would've pursued her." Eric looked up at her. He wanted to reach out to her, but he still didn't believe he earned that right yet. She hadn't left yet, so he gathered up some courage. They agreed to tell the truth and nothing but, after all. "Not because she was a supposedly better version of you. Not at all. Like I told you, she was a female hacker. How many of those do we get to come across every day?"

Nell snorted. "So you were interested because she was a female you?"

He cracked a grin. "When you put it that way it does sound a bit creepy and narcissistic." When she returned his grin, his grew wider. "But the real reason?" His grin faded and he looked away again. "I thought you weren't interested, so I figured why not take a chance. Couldn't hurt, right? Boy, was I wrong."

"What do you mean not interested? When did I ever say that?"

"Not so much as saying, but in doing." He ran a hand over his hair and down his face. "After Christmas, it felt like you were pulling away. I figured that since we weren't around your family anymore, there was no need to pretend anymore and you backed off." He glanced up at her. "I won't lie, it stung. I didn't know what I did wrong, so I just played it off, but it really stung."

“You didn’t do anything wrong. And I didn't back off. It was just the normal work routine.”

"Well, it felt like you did. I thought we were going somewhere… but even now, I still don't know where we stand." He looked up at her helplessly. "I guess it would've just been easier to ask, huh? Could've avoided all of this mess."

"You're right about that." Nell sat back down on the couch. "I might've been... exaggerating a bit when I said I didn't back off. After Christmas, I needed some space. It was... a lot to handle."

"Nell, you don't have to explain yourself. I get it."

"No, I want to. Nothing but the truth, remember?" She took a deep breath. "Christmas was great. It felt so good to be home again and my family loved you. I guess I just needed time to process everything... between us."

"So what did you conclude?"

"That I took too long." It was her turn to give him a self depreciating grin. "I guess I pulled back longer than I should have. I'm sorry, Eric. I... I should've realized it sooner."

"Realized what?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "You know the funny part is that it's because of Blaze that we're even sitting here having this conversation. Imagine how much longer we would've waited if she didn't magically appear into our lives."

"You're avoiding the question, Nell."

She smiled at the frustration in his voice. "Oh am I?"

He glared at her. "What happened to nothing but the truth?"

"I have one more question first."

"Is it just one more?"

"Yes. Was Christmas just an act for the sake of our covers?"

Eric's eyebrows shot up in shock. Definitely not the question he expected her to ask. "Yes and no. Yes, because we still needed to maintain our covers and no, because I meant it. None of that was an act. Except for --"

“When it came to our covers, got it. So you really--"

"Yeah." He tried not to get his hopes up with the direction of this conversation. He had hoped that his actions as a legit boyfriend would get her to re-think their status quo over the holidays. He didn't know any other way to convince her other than outright spilling his guts to her. Which, come to think of it, might've been the easier and less messy way of getting here.

"Why didn't you say something before?"

He smirked. "That's two questions." He held up his hands in defense when it looked like she was going to strangle him. "But -- but I'll answer if you don't kill me. I was too chicken shit, okay? I didn't want you to... you know, stomp all over my bleeding heart."

"Quite the image there. Have you been listening to sappy music again?"

"Ha. Ha. I told you, I minored in lit." He folded his arms and gave her a pointed stare. "You still haven't answered my question and I've answered two of yours."

"What was it again?"

He worked his jaw side to side. She was purposely doing this to drive him insane, wasn't she? "What was your conclusion to all this mess?"

She grinned. "That we're both idiots."

"You're lumping yourself with me? Are you sure you want to join The Biggest Idiots Club?"

"If that means being with you, sure.”

Eric swore his heart stopped beating and his lungs stopped expanding. "You--"

"Yes."

Then she leaned up and kissed him. It took him a moment for his body to function and react before he pulled her closer and returned the kiss with equal fervor, pouring his joy and relief into it.

"You know," he said, trying to catch his breath. "Just for the record. If we had done this earlier, I wouldn't have looked twice at Blaze."

"Yeah, I know. Now can we stop talking about her?"

"Ye--" She pulled him down for another kiss.

 

+

 

Eric ran down the steps in OSP, whistling his usual call. "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt--"

"Hey, look at who manned up," Sam said with a grin.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, he does look like he's matured a bit," Callen said with an equally teasing grin. "Maybe even grew a bit taller. What do you think?"

"Nah, I think that's the hair," Deeks chimed in. "But something does seem a bit different. Could it be that you and your lady partner finally kissed and made up?"

The flush on Eric's face had the team laughing as they came up the stairs to join him.

"Good for you," Kensi said, then gave him a friendly punch in the shoulder.

"Can we please go into Ops and talk about the case?"

"What, no details of how you and Nell made up?" Sam teased.

"Do we really want to know how geeks make up?" Callen continued.

"Oh I'm sure it was filled with cute tech speak between them," Deeks said as he secretly gave Eric a high five. "My advice worked?" he whispered.

“What advice?” Eric replied. “You hardly gave me any.”

"Hey, is that how you treat a friend? A friend who went out on a limb to help you out when no one else would?"

"Need I remind you I bought your ridiculous breakfast?"

"I am so calling in those other favors now."

"You two done being cute?" Nell asked Eric and Deeks. "Or can we talk about the dead sailor?"

"Yup, definitely made up," Callen said as they took their usual positions in front of the big screen. "She's not actively trying to melt him under her evil mini-Hetty stare."

"I think you mean turn to stone, G.” Sam grinned. “That's how Eric looked yesterday."

"You guys done?" Eric asked, exasperated.

"Not in a million years, Eric." Callen nodded to the screen. "But tell us what you've got."

 

+

 

Downstairs, Hetty smiled as she took a sip from her teacup. "Ah, what a beautiful sight. It's about time."

Granger, leaning back in his seat, raised an eyebrow. "What, that your two meerkats up there are getting along again?"

"If by meerkats you mean Mister Beale and Miss Jones, yes. They do have names, you know, Owen. Besides, there's nothing better than seeing the entire team functioning like a well oiled machine."

"So I guess that crazy plan of yours worked then."

"Ah yes, thank you for the assist on that."

"You know," Granger said as he crossed his legs. "The team was fine before you had me bring in Blaze."

She smiled. "Now it'll be even better. Just you wait, Owen."

"It better. Because if this blows up in our faces..."

"What happened to that heart of yours? Take hold of young love! Watch it blossom. It's magnificent."

"I don't care to wax poetic on frivolous things such as love. Especially if could endanger the mechanics of this team."

"Oh you're such a sourpuss, Owen. Believe me, this will be a much needed shot in the arm. This will probably work out better than either of us could imagine."

"I certainly hope so, Henrietta."


End file.
